


Acne Prone

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A lot of kissing, Adventure, Baekhyun and Chanyolk are American, Comedy, Crack Taken Seriously, F/M, Innocent smut, Kai is Japanese !!, M/M, Oh Sehun | Willis Aboya, Or should I say Willis, Sehuns British, Spies, Threesome - M/M/M, idiot chanyeol, lapslock, long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 21:11:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11929356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: byun baekhyun is at the prime of his life. he's one of the worlds biggest comedians and the youngest best-selling author living in the city of dreams and rats: nyc. what else could the twenty-five year old ask for?surely not a big-eared target employee who won't stop flirting with him nor is giving him his goddamn acne medication.you maybe asking 'how the fuck do they end up together? they're complete opposites!' but with the will of a wizard and a little bit of angel dust, the two men are quite literally thrusted into a mess of drugs, kanye west and government officials who somehow are on a manhunt.all after them, the two dipshits: the ever-so-famous byun baekhyun and the stupidly glorious park chanyeol.





	1. foreword

**Author's Note:**

> i have school at 6:30 am and it's 12:16am what am i doing

park chanyeol was once deemed a respectable man. well, the title of 'respectable' wore away just like his will to live.

he's the type of person to think working at target is a pretty good job— but the man has a degree from yale! (class of 2015) absolutely preposterous.

chanyeol has only a few friends with one of them being a disgusting drug addict. yet living in such a big city of new york, good people are hard to find and it jus so happens that drug addict, bobby, has a heart of gold.

enough about the ferret boy and his companions, more about the star of this show: byun baekhyun!

four years ago, baekhyun was still in college, running a somewhat successful (more like mediocre) tumblr account over satirical humor. after posting a much regrettable video about a particular president, he was noticed by some higher-ups in the comedian world and was shoved into the spotlight at the young age of twenty-two.

now he's written four books and is working on a movie as we speak. baekhyun is kind of famous. he's not that famous that everyone knows him at first glance— especially not that target worker who won't get him his goddamn acne medication.

and he's awfully acne prone.


	2. he's really acne prone part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two hot dudes in one day. baekhyun's blessed.

 

 

PART I «LE D’ABORD CHAPITRE» (tu parle français?)

 

 

it was one am in the morning and baekhyun was hyperventilating in the bathroom. it had been a fairly decent day…. apart from the fact he was angry at a zit on his forehead for popping up the night before a show... but what could he do?

absolutely nothing. pimples didn't listen to him; they never did. and they never will.

ever since baekhyun was fourteen, he's always had troubles with his face and pimples of all sorts. zits, cysts, small itty-bitty bumps— you name it, he's had them all. his parents told him that his horrid skin was genetic, but looking at old pictures of his parents and at his siblings, he was the only one with the acne.

baekhyun's older supermodel sister, yuri, who was currently in japan had never ever had to pop a zit in her life.

baekhyun's younger brother baekho, who was an video game designer in New Zealand, had never had to use thirty bottles of acne medication in one high school semester.

never.

blame hormones, blame his genetics, blame anything but it won't matter. acne is a bitch towards him; pairing up with his unnecessarily oily skin and gigantic pores, baekhyun's skin was not something he really had confidence in.

so he thanked the lord for makeup. and for his acne medication- which at the moment he had run out of.

with this many bumps on baekhyun's cheeks, makeup couldn't help him even if he went on his knees and sucked god's dick for some magical concealer. plus, his regular make up artist was on maternity leave! how was he going to face those hundred people with these disgusting blemishes?

the only way he would survive is stopping by walgreens in the morning and picking up his medication and lathering it on his face hoping it's chemicals would make his pimples disappear.

but that's scientifically impossible.

so the insanely frustrated man decides called his manager.

"hello?" a groggy and clearly agitated voice greeted him.

"taeyeon!” he yelled, “i don't have any fucking acne meds and there's such a huge zit on my forehead!" baekhyun screeched, picking up a hand mirror on his sink and examining the large red bump with a bright puss-filled yellow tip right in the middle of his forehead.

"oh my god baekhyun," taeyeon, his thirty-four year old manager sighed; he could mentally picture her slapping her face, "you have bangs. forehead acne isn't a problem for you for fucks sake.”

baekhyun’s mouth formed an ‘O’, "i forgot. sorrrrrrrrrrry.”

"stop worrying and get some rest. good night baekhyun."

baekhyun swore he heard some other chicks calling for taeyeon before he hung up with a huff. (they were both gay— his manager fancied cheesy romantic things while baekhyun would split on a for a dick for free; they both knew each other very well after several years in the industry together)

nevertheless, one zit would lead to two, two to nine and then a whole disgusting forehead filled with red bombs of bumps waiting to pop. he'd still have to go to target to pick up some acne medication after his jazz show.

what a pain.

clambering into his feather-filled silk-covered bed, baekhyun sighed and only wished his pimple would disappear by the morn daylight.

and then the sun rose. reddish violet light cast shadows in his room, and if one was to see his squinted eyes and furrowed eyebrows, it would be a sight to see puppy baekhyun byun angry.

oh, he was pissed.

he had spent the whole night worrying about a zit.

a whole night before a show at one of the most famous hotels in new york— he spent it worrying about a fucking pimple.

his alarm went off right next to him. taeyeon had set it to be the most annoying song   
in the history of kpop (which just so happens to be her own single): “I”.

“and i, i, i, i, i, my life is a beauuuuty”

fuck, baekhyun swore, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and yawned. sirens wailed in the background, the sun barely up as the sky was a pretty violet color.

he heard screams and faint yells and obviously thought it was just a regular day because sirens and yells were the norm in new york. but it wasn’t like that today.

he went back into the bathroom to wash his face. it was 7:45 which left twenty five minutes for him to get ready and two hours to prep for the show if he wants a standing ovation since his first show started at 10:39. his second show was a night show at the world-renowned strip club, sapphire with him in only a suit jacket and tight pants, singing. no one under 23 was allowed.

and he was turning twenty-four next month.

the same song that woke him up was blaring right now, just this time as he was tying his tie and damn it, it was taeyeon.

 

 

  
PART II «WEEB KINKS»

 

 

“get your ass here now! there’s been an emergency!” taeyeon’s usually chill voice was now screaming, full volume. the high pitch of her voice and how loud she was yelling caused baekhyun to grimace and throw the phone on his bed.

“why? what happened?” he yelled back as he was putting his dress shoes. it wasn’t unlike taeyeon to call like this right before a show. but it was alarming because she called after an accident had happened, like when his 89 year old hair stylist fainted because he found out baekhyun bleached his hair a filthy mud brown. (baekhyun though he suited the color. it brought out his hazel eyes.)

maybe it was a check up before the show. maybe she’d make him sing ka-ching by the japanese group LIT. since his japanese was to the level of him completely butchering the language, taeyeon would end up in tears laughing rather than giving solid advice.

but what was to happen is something no one would expect.

taeyeon’s voice dropped five octaves.

“sapphire caught on fire this morning.”

oh no.

oh no.

oh no no no no no.

with that phrase baekhyun was running out of his penthouse and plumenting himself into the streets of new york (making sure his zit was covered, of course). the world was oblivious as he was a mere two hours before.

the streets were filled with people doing things people would do, conversing and ignoring, breathing and wishing they weren’t. the sun was oblivious to his frustration with it having rained earlier, the puddles in his path weren’t sympathetic either.

baekhyun wasn’t apart of that crowd today. he was worried. he was scared. maybe those people were too. but he was oblivious. he cared about the sapphire. not the beggars or the heartless millionaires or the kid he bumped into or the tall, handsome, gorgeously tanned burberry coat clad man he accidentally pushed on his way to beckon a cab.

“oh-i-oh my god, i-um, i’m so sorry—” baekhyun spluttered, looking to face this man and gasping in awe. this man was indeed tall, handsome and gorgeously tanned with a pair of glassless glasses lopsided on his perfect nose.

“no, its okay,” the man got up, head tilted down as he brushed his knees, swiftly standing up and giving baekhyun a heart-melting-and-completely-obliviating grin.

baekhyun’s heart stopped beating for a second and he could only give a shaky grin back instead of his usual flirty response. he’s never seen a man so beautiful before, its stupefying. he was tall, so tall that baekhyun had to stretch his neck up to get a good look at his face and oh lord was it worth it. sleek pink hair tousled and styled so perfectly it looked like a wig. (even if it was, this man would look hella cute bald baekhyun assumed) and his eyes were a smoldering hazel-gray.

this man was oozing with sex appeal and it was making the red-head thirsty.

“this was a fine chance meeting you— it’s baekhyun right? you’re all over tokyo’s screens so i recognized your face, haha.” this man’s eyes crinkled when he laughed and although his english wasn’t perfect, it sounded perfect coming from his deep voice.

“ah.. are you from japan? and i’ve only performed there twice.. but wow! you know my name! it’s rather unfair you know my name and yet i don’t know yours.... and sorry if my japanese is bad, i’m still learning.” baekhyun asked in (his mediocre) japanese. his phone buzzed in his pocket but he tilted his head and and crossed his legs, making sure he looked cute, ignoring taeyeon’s calls and fearing a beating from the old hag.

“your japanese is good! my name is kai, i’ve got a meeting in—” kai checked his watch (rose quartz rolex) “in five minutes. i’m going to your show later so i’ll see you then?”

oh fuck.

“oh yeah, about that…” baekhyun scratched his neck, “the shows been cancelled. just call me instead?”

kai drew a concerned look on his face and did baekhyun mention he wanted to melt because of the man’s beauty?

“why? is everything okay?”

another loud buzz came from baekhyun’s butt pocket and he looked up at kai apologetically. he switched back to english, hoping kai would be able to understand the dire situation.

“i’m sorry. i can’t really tell you… yet. but kai, i have an emergency right now and if i don’t answer my manager she’ll rip my head off.” he rustled through his suits front pocket for a business card, “here’s my card so just call me later?”

kai took the card and nodded. “most definitely. it was nice meeting you, baekhyun-san!” he waved as he walked off.

did he just say ‘baekhyun-san’?

baekhyun’s tragic 14 year old weeb self awakens. oh god.

 

 

  
PART III «SAPPHIRES, RUBIES, EMERALDS OH MY»

 

upon fetching a cab baekhyun answered the phone only to be welcomed with: “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! THE FIRE BRIGADE HAS COME AND LEFT BUT YOUR PUNY ASS HASN’T EVEN ARRIVED YET! WHAT ARE YOU DOING--” all while his phone was on speaker mode.

“do i take a left here?” the taxi drive seemed unfazed and baekhyun nodded as the taxi swerved on to the scene of the fire.

it was devastating. his eyes widened and felt the familiar prick of tears form in his eyes. it seemed as if the roof caved in, the top was completely charred, the bright blue sign, looking darker due to the cloudy skies, had fallen on the street below it. police cars and firetrucks surrounded the building. he saw no ambulances so hopefully no one had got injured and he sighed in relief. there was yellow tape all around sapphire and then his eyes caught taeyeon, arms crossed. and he groaned.

he could practically see the steam coming out through her ears. but his eyes fell upon a more taller, paler and prettier man next to her, dwarfing his manager by a longshot. he had suit pants covering his long, long legs and a lithe waist but broad shoulders– he was gorgeous. baekhyun couldn’t believe god had blessed him with two beautiful men in ONE day.

what a foul but fair day.

as he walked to the scene after paying a decent amount to the taxi driver (for listening through taeyeon’s screaming) he heard taeyeon’s heels click-clack to him from the pavement and he took a deep breath before turning to face her, quickly thinking up of an excuse on why he was late.

but he was surprised when taeyeon hugged him instead.

“this spy-thing dude wants to talk to you so i can’t yell at you right now but expect a mouthful later young man.” as tempted as he was to roll his eyes, baekhyun just patted her back as the pretty man walked to him, glasses low on his nose and notepad in hand.

“hi, my name is willis— you can call me sehun, and i just wanted to ask you a few questions, mr. byun.”

“oh, ask a way, sehun, i have all the time in the world.” baekhyun smirked. (maybe not literally but for the pretty man baekhyun was willing to give everything up. everything.)

 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii long time no see! this isn't proofread, sorrrrry. btw: this 'part' thing is only a trial, tell me if you like it or not because i don't really plan on putting it in the next chapters. i hoped you liked how i characterized baekhyun. thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> taylor swifts new song is giving me life and im 100% (not rly) ready to write this book so expect slow ass updates but long chapters bc that's a specialty of mine ;)


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